damn i cant believe i go back to school in a week and a half ... i have mixed feelings about it i suppose ... part of me is ready - this island is small and every time i come back from cali it only feels smaller ... then there is another part of me that is SO not ready to leave.  home is comfortable and its HOME ... my ohana my friends my everything is here and at first when i came home i felt like nothing fit right - like i was a stranger ... but after being home for a few weeks i got back into the groove of things and i gotta admit im really gonna miss everything.  i made so many good memories this summer and its sucks to see it go.  and i have so many attachments going back this time that i didnt over christmas break - new friends new guys new experiences that i still feel like i wanna have and having to up and move all over again 3000 miles away sucks. 

going away to school and living here i feel like i am constantly being uprooted - hawaii will always be home but i have a life in cali now too ... i feel like i have no real time to make any serious connections with people because im bouncing between two places.  i have a life up in cali now with friends that i miss like crazy but here is where my roots are and my heart.  i want so badly to be able to connect with a guy or maintain friendships but its so hard when my life is taking me back and forth all the time.  serious relationships are almost an impossibility because when i tell a guy that i meet that im leaving for school at the end of summer they are always hesitant to take any steps to really getting to kno me ... they go for the fling because there are no real strings attached because im leaving.  im sick of flinging it ... i want something stable and secure that i kno will mean something to me and the guy im with ... but college is no place to start getting serious with a guy especially when home is 3000 miles away and guys here arent willing to go for the long distance thing.  so i loose either way - its all about having fun in the moment with no feelings or emotions attached.  and i wanna get attached - i wanna meet a guy i totally fall for and kno that he feels the same way regardless of how far away i might be going for school ... i kno college is only 4 years but that feels like an eternity to wait for a real realtionship.  and the problem is that im meeting so many guys who i would love to pursue something more with - but i kno they arent willing to put in the time if im leaving. 

so yes definitely mixed feelings about going back.  part of me just kinda wants to start fresh with a new school year and regroup with friends from last year - but another part of me wants to stay here so that i can figure out where all the open-ended flings i have been having are going - see if there is potentially something more for me with one of the guys i have met this summer.  and of course im going to miss family and all my friends i have been cruzin with ... it kinda sucks

alright so last nite was some crazy shit ... went to a party in kaneohe with all JANA dem.  we were supposed to meet up with LYSH and JON guys to go hard rocks but we never, then everyone wanted to go clubbin so we were gonna meet up wtih AARON and IAN guys at noblesse but that never happened either.  instead we went to a kailua party for lil while then JANA, LISA, JUSTIN, SHANE, LAUREN, and me went to a kahala party while WHIT, AMANDA, and MICHELLE went to a hotel party in waikiki ... the kahala party was nuts cause it was in a mansion - so nice!!!  then our other friend TYREN got into some shit with guys who were makin truble so all the guys wanted to go kahala mall to back him up ... so we went and the guys that wanted to fight our friends ended up right behind my car and were callin out me and JANA - stupid f***s ... callin out a girl how p**** can u get?  so the SHANE and JUSTIN got all mad at them for that but a cop ended up kickin the guys out of kahala so we never met up wtih them.  then WHIT got into some shit at the hotel party with some stupid asian chic who wanted to beef with her for a stupid reason (look wat alcohol does) ... so we went to get her back but the fight was over cause the girl ran away - JANA and LISA wanted to go find her and kick her ass but we didnt know which hotel they were in.  while we were tryna figure it out the same guys who were making truble in kahala pulled up along side of us.  SHANE and JUSTIN wanted to get all nuts and i was still pissed that they flicked me off so i took JANA over there and told them i wanted an apology ... the guys were shittin in their pants when they saw JUSTIN and SHANE so they quickly apologized and went back to their truck.  stupid asses!  so ya that nite was frickin interesting as shit - but all in good fun!  cant believe i go back so soon ... less than three weeks - we dont have this crazy kind of fun in LA ... chee hee!

BiRtHDaY BaSh was off the hook! 

aLL my LaDieS ... LySh, RiCe, Di, KRi, Me, aNd SaRah!

cruzin in line before BiRtHDaY BaSh started!

TiM, Me, aNd GReG - Pa'iNa iRie!!!

mE aNd mY bOi ScOtTie from SaN DieGo!

mE aNd mY GiRL KRi ... kri-mani marley!  haha!  damn girl i missed u!  it was good seeing ya!

Di, KRi, and Me ... Di- another one of my girls i havent seen in FO'EVA!  we definitely need to cruz WAY more often! 

... hope u all had CHOKE fun at bday bash too!  and for all u guys goin two nites in a row - u crazy!  pa'ina hard tho!  chee hee!

this past saturday we all went to DaViDs house for a lil get together - well the lil get together turned huge and there were a shitload of ppl there and even more alcohol ... it was the shits - here are a few pics to give u a taste of our evening!

Me aNd RiCe - sober at the start of the nite

TRiStaN aNd Me ... after a few drinks (notice the corona bottle in the bottom of the pic - that was mine!!!)

LySh. AsHLeY aNd Me ... after a few more drinks - this was right before LysH proceeded to go to the bathroom and drop her cell in the toilet!  haha sorry LySh - i kno that it sucked but it was funny to the rest of us!

Me aNd the drunken host DaViD ... yes we were both pretty tipsy by then!  haha!  it was a good nite so thank u DaViD and more important majahlos to DaViDs GRaNdMa who let us have the party in the first place (she was home the whole time - musta sucked to be her!)

... heres to many more parties this summer before we gotta go back to school!

here are some pics from the bbq at my house a couple weeks ago - sorry it took so long to post em ... enjoy!

J, MiKe, aNd IaN ... idk wtf theyre doin!

a rather attractive pic of CHeLe ... dont u think - haha!

(back row) J, MiKe, aNd IaN ... (front row) CHeLe, Me, LySh, aNd RiCe

tHa BoYs - JoN, RYaN, IaN, aNd J

tHa LaDiEs ... RiCe. LySh. Me. aNd CHeLe

LySh aNd CHeLe

 Me aNd CHeLe

... next bbq is gonna b HUGE!  pa'ina hard!

-eRiN